Shadows of the Past
by ANGELofMUSICval
Summary: Alec isn't taking his break-up with Magnus very well. This is how I envision things happening after City of Lost Souls. I wanted to rectify the break-up. Malec angst & reconciliation.
1. Incomplete

**Chapter 1: Incomplete**

**Author's Note:**

These characters aren't mine, as I'm just borrowing them. All of The Mortal Instruments characters and their world belong to Cassandra Clare. I just had to write this, so I'm borrowing them. No copyright infringement intended.

This takes place a few months after City of Lost Souls. I had to deal with that break up! The idea of this has been in my head for several months but it's just taken a while to get it written. The only CoHF snippet I was aware of was the cell phone thing. Anything else similar is a cool coincidence…. Also, while I was writing this, I had the song "Incomplete" by Backstreet Boys stuck in my head.

* * *

Alexander Gideon Lightwood, better known as Alec, sat on his bed, uncaringly staring into space. These days, he didn't care much about anything concerning his well-being, only of that of his family. He didn't think that he could feel pain like that of Max's death again, but he was sadly mistaken. Months had passed since that fateful encounter that had upended his world, and the pain had not lessened for him even a bit. If anything, it had grown, if that were even possible. For so long, Alec had punished himself for Max's death, for not being able to protect his little brother or see through the façade that Sebastian had presented. He had only begun to forgive himself, maybe believing that deep down he was a good person; that fateful day with Magnus had changed everything, though. Alec no longer believed he was worthy of forgiveness.

He did not know how he had begun to even contemplate his actions or involvement with Camille. He blamed his own self-doubt and feelings of being less than worthy. His jealousy had driven him to make a deal he should not have even entertained, and yet here he was. Alec sighed and put his head in his hands, wondering for the millionth time how he could have even contemplated taking away Magnus' immortality. The thought of growing old and dying while Magnus stayed young was unbearable, but living without Magnus was a whole entirely new breed of hell in itself.

Alec had never been in love prior to Magnus. Hell, he had spent half of his life denying what he truly was. For years he could not even admit to being gay, and when he finally admitted it to himself, he was reluctant to let anyone else know. Still, as astute as they were, Jace and Isabelle had figured it out. Izzy has always had his back, and Alec was touched by his sister's concern and rabid protection of him. He never knew just how much Jace had guessed, but Alec was grateful Jace had never really broached him on the subject.

The Clave had always viewed homosexuality as wrong; something Alec had never been able to understand why. He tried his best to keep his secret from his family, not to mention the Clave, for fear of the repercussions. Turns out he hadn't needed to have worried, as with them, as long as it wasn't rubbed in their faces, it was almost like "don't ask, don't tell" type thing.

Since he had spent so long trying to deny what he was, Alec had never had a relationship before Magnus. Sure, Clary had called it right when she noted his crush on his _parabatai_, Jace. Jace had been an easy target, as he was "the unattainable". Alec could never truly get his heart broken, because nothing would ever happen with Jace. Sure, he could pine away and live in the longing of a relationship, but that pain was just on the fringes, just on the surface. Jace was more of his brother than anything, and so the crush had just been something superfluous, something easy. Alec didn't have to get invested as he knew it was never real. Even as he had begun to fall for Magnus, he had clung to his crush on Jace for fear of getting hurt. There was only so long he could deny it, though.

Magnus had been his true love, even though he was Alec's first real relationship. Alec had been waiting for someone truly worth risking everything for, someone he found in Magnus. Still, Alec had so much to learn in the ways of relationships, as his eighteen years on this planet paled against the centuries Magnus had been alive. At first it hadn't mattered. Magnus appeared young enough to be only a few years older than Alec and didn't seem fazed by the age gap. He never made Alec feel inferior. After time passed, though, Alec started to realize his dream of growing old with someone, if he was not murdered by a demon, would not happen, at least not with Magnus. Alec knew that his obsession with Magnus' immortality would only lead to disaster, but it was something he couldn't get away from or let go. Alec's obsession had cost him everything: love, trust, a friend. Alec couldn't be more disgusted with himself if he tried.

For weeks he had devoted himself to patrolling and fighting random rogue demons. He could not bear to sit still, staring at his walls, trying to pick up the pieces of his shattered heart. Because that was what Alec felt like he was: a shattered man. He did not care any more about food or sleep. Food was tasteless and he only ate the bare minimum to sustain himself for fighting. He knew without looking at himself that he had been honed down to muscles and bone, leaner than a healthy person should be. Sleep was also torment, as a mocking Magnus haunted his dreams, reminding him of all that he had lost. He slept only when he had to, and he spent the rest of his time patrolling, fighting and training. He had become relentless in his pursuit of demons. If he had a goal to focus on, he did not have to focus on his inner misery.

Both Isabelle and Jace had tried to get him to talk about what happened, but he just shut down, his emotions hidden behind the blank wall that his face had become. He drove himself mercilessly in cleaning up and defending the city. He knew if he stopped and really gave into the grief, he would completely break down, something that he could not afford to do. Besides, he was supposed to be the cool, collected one. What would his family think if he gave in to his emotions and broke down?

Everything ached physically, but that was a small price to pay to alleviate emotional pain, even if it were just temporary. He was running himself ragged, as Isabelle had pointed out on more than one occasion, but he did not even really care anymore. He loved putting on his runes, burning them just a little deeper than they were supposed to go, the searing pain helping to block out his misery. At least fighting gave him that excuse to apply the runes, although he was sure that someone would intervene if they ever found out just what he was doing.

Isabelle had put her foot down today, though. She saw how worn out he had become and ordered him to rest in his room. Restless and unable to sleep, Alec had relegated himself to staring at the walls, trying to figure out how much longer he had to stay in here. He felt as if he would go stark raving insane if he had to stay in here much longer, though. He contemplated escaping, but he was sure Isabelle would have planned that. After an hour had passed without any relief, he got up, deciding to at least risk heading to the library. If he couldn't sleep, he could still "rest" while reading up on histories or something.

He opened the door and poked his head out, not seeing anyone guarding his door. Breathing a sigh of relief, he padded down to the library, his bare feet making little noise on the floor. Uncaring about his wardrobe if he was forced to stay inside, Alec wore pajama bottoms low on his hips and a black t-shirt. His raven hair hung messily in his face, but he could not even bring himself to care about that either. He sighed, wishing that the misery would go away even for a few moments, if even to just give him some temporarily relief. True, he did not feel as if he deserved it, but today he wished for numbness instead of the pain. Alec wondered about using a sleeping rune on himself and wondered if that would even work. He was tempted to ask one of the others, but then that would actually require an explanation, something he was as yet reluctant to give.

Quietly opening the door, Alec entered the massive library, taking a moment to gaze around at its splendor. Usually the library brought him a sense of comfort, but today was not one of those days. He wandered the library searching for the books he was looking for, one on runes and the second on demons that typically crossed into their dimension. He flopped down onto a chair that was somewhat comfortable and cracked open the book on runes.

Alec flipped through the pages, finding a sleeping rune. It looked as if it might be a bit chancy, so he decided to do more thorough research on it before attempting it. It would not do to put himself into a sleep coma or something that would be impossible to wake from. The others would not need a repeat of what they went through with Clary's mom, courtesy of the sleeping draught and Valentine.

He continued reviewing things, trying to discover if there was a rune to deal with heartbreak or that inner pain. Part of him wanted to take it away and be numb and the other part wanted him to suffer and punish himself for what he had done. Neither would be ideal, so Alec closed the book in frustration. Luckily he had just set the book on the table next to him, its title out of sight, when his sister came storming into the library, her face looking thunderous.

"Alec, I thought I told you to rest today. You need your sleep! What the hell are you doing in here?" Isabelle demanded. Alec sighed. Sometimes his little sister liked to forget which one of them was the older one.

"I couldn't sleep, like usual these days. Confining me to my room to stare at the walls isn't going to help anyone, least of all me. Unless you want me to go insane, that is. I figured I could catch up on my research while I rested," he told her matter-of-factly. Isabelle gave him a look that clearly said that she thought he was full of crap.

"I would ask you again what is going on, but I know you are going to refuse to tell me anything," she replied, exasperated. Isabelle walked over to her brother and sat down next to him, wrapping him in her arms. The usually hard Isabelle only showed her softer side around those she truly cared about. "Alec, I hate seeing you miserable like this. Please, please open up to me?" she asked in concern.

"I made a huge mistake and Magnus broke up with me. He doesn't want to see me or have anything to do with me. That's it," he said, trying to keep it simple. Talking about it only tore him apart yet again, and with Isabelle hugging him, it brought tears perilously close to the surface. He was not sure he could ever pick up the pieces if he fell apart. "I just have to deal with it and move on," he said, slowly getting up. He did not want to cry in front of his sister, so he knew he had to wiggle out of the embrace. He turned to look at her. "Thanks, Iz. I'm actually tired, so I am going to lie down again," he lied, using the excuse to hastily get back to his room. There he could let the misery envelop him again and not have to pretend otherwise.

Without waiting for a response, Alec practically fled from the library, unable to hide things for much longer. Soon, he found the sanctuary of his room and made sure to lock the door behind him. He crawled onto his bed and propped himself up against the wall, pulling his knees up to his chest. He rested his head on his knees as the tears started to flow, fighting valiantly for the control that he so desperately clung to. Talking about the break-up had only opened the gates, and Alec was helpless to fight against the tears any longer. He flopped himself over onto the bed, curled in a ball and relinquished himself to the pain, his face buried in his pillow to muffle the sounds of his agony.

The pain and misery enveloped Alec, washing over him like a tidal wave. He felt the stabbing pain in his heart, pain that burning runes into his skin could never alleviate. His chest constricted, and he found himself unable to breathe very well. This unbearable misery was something he did not even know how to begin to fight or get rid of. He felt as if a part of him had been ripped out, part of his life, his soul. He hated himself in that moment, because he had no one else to blame. Magnus had said that he still loved him but because of the ultimate betrayal, in Magnus' eyes, he could not stand to be anywhere near Alec. Alec did not know how anyone got through a loss such as this, but he felt that it just might kill him if this continued.


	2. Set Fire to the Rain

**Chapter 2: Set Fire to the Rain**

**Author's Note:**

These characters aren't mine, as I'm just borrowing them. All of The Mortal Instruments characters and their world belong to Cassandra Clare. I just had to write this, so I'm borrowing them. No copyright infringement intended.

This takes place a few months after City of Lost Souls. I had to deal with that break up! The idea of this has been in my head for several months but it's just taken a while to get it written. The only CoHF snippet I was aware of was the cell phone thing. Anything else similar is a cool coincidence…. Also, while I was writing this, I had the song "Set Fire to the Rain" by Adele stuck in my head. 

* * *

Magnus Bane had not been faring so well during this time either. Life had lost so much of the vibrancy and meaning that it used to hold for him. Honestly, in his eight hundred years, he had never met anyone like Alexander Lightwood. He enjoyed helping Alec come into his own and embracing who he truly was…until the betrayal. Magnus had been extremely hurt and wounded that Alec would have even contemplated such a thing as taking away his immortality. Who plotted to shorten the life of someone that they loved? Intellectually, Magnus understood why Alec had looked into it, but the act itself had been unforgiveable.

He still did not understand why Alexander had not just come to him directly with his questions. Was he that hard to talk to? And what was worse was that he had gone to Camille of all people. Knowing Camille, she had probably instigated things, saying insidious things to get inside of Alec's head. He knew Camille all too well, and he knew what exactly she was capable of. That did not excuse Alec's going to her for anything, though.

If he thought about it, Magnus knew that his sweet Shadowhunter would never have taken any action as drastic as removing his immortality without talking to Magnus about it first. The galling thing was just that Alec had contemplated it, and with his now enemy of all people…or whatever Camille was. Magnus sighed, wishing he didn't have to deal with this. One of these days he would learn not to fall for Shadowhunters. Apparently today was not that day.

Magnus missed how Alec felt, the smell of his skin, the touch of his lips. He missed Alec so much that it was driving him crazy. But how could he ever trust him again? Wouldn't it be easier to just sever all ties like he'd done? Yeah, he might think that, but Magnus had to admit that even he didn't want things completely cut off. Magnus was trying to stay strong, but he knew this situation was wearing on him. He hadn't been sleeping as much and had been taking on more magical clients, a combination sure to sap his strength. He figured that if he spent his time trying to help others, he wouldn't have to deal with himself and how he was feeling. Even his magnificent parties did nothing to help him get past this. Magnus thought he could drown himself in fun, people and crazy drinks, but in fact the parties just reminded him of the first time he had met Alec. He remembered looking into those blue eyes on that night and wanting to know more about him. Parties served as a reminder, not something to help him forget. He didn't even bother styling his hair or applying glitter anymore. All of that just took up too much effort that he wasn't in the mood to give.

More than once, Magnus had contemplated reaching out to Alec again. The Shadowhunter had changed his life so much that he didn't know how to go back to the way things had been before Alexander Lightwood had entered his life. Magnus wasn't even sure he wanted to go back to the way things had been previously. He kept looking at his phone, wondering what it would be like to speak to him again before violently reminding himself that his ex-boyfriend had plotted to end his life.

Magnus was so torn that he did not know what to do. The problem was that once the trust was gone, could their relationship even be salvaged? Magnus was not even sure. Throughout his eight centuries, he had precious few relationships. Oh, he had flings and dalliances, both with men and women, but most of those had only been for fun and something to pass the time. He could count the few relationships that held any meaning for him on one hand. Magnus knew that the knowledge and experience that he had acquired in eight centuries of living was immense compared to Alexander's mere eighteen years, but did that really matter when it came down to it? Shouldn't someone know that plotting to end someone's immortality was the wrong thing to do?

Magnus sighed, knowing that deep down he fully understood why Alec had even gone there. The poor boy thought so little of himself that he had let his jealousy get the best of him. Of course Magnus had never even thought to compare him to Will, Camille or anyone else. How would that have been fair? How can you be jealous of something buried long ago in the past? Alec had never been truly comfortable in his own skin, though, so the thought that someone accepted him wholeheartedly for himself had not really crossed his mind. Ultimately, his insecurities had been their downfall. Magnus intellectually understood this but his heart still was fixated on the betrayal. Magnus knew that until he could resolve this in his mind and come to grips with it, he was not about to consider anything. For now, his world would stay completely devoid of any Shadowhunters, no matter how much he missed them.


	3. Show Me the Meaning of Being Lonely

**Chapter 3: Show Me the Meaning of Being Lonely**

**Author's Note:**

These characters aren't mine, as I'm just borrowing them. All of The Mortal Instruments characters and their world belong to Cassandra Clare. I just had to write this, so I'm borrowing them. No copyright infringement intended.

This takes place a few months after City of Lost Souls. I had to deal with that break up! The idea of this has been in my head for several months but it's just taken a while to get it written. The only CoHF snippet I was aware of was the cell phone thing. Anything else similar is a cool coincidence…. Also, while I was writing this, I had the song "Show Me the Meaning of Being Lonely" by Backstreet Boys stuck in my head. 

* * *

Isabelle was about done letting her brother practically kill himself over the end of his relationship. She knew there was more to the story, much, much more than he would ever admit to her. She knew that her brother acted tough on the outside but that he had a sensitive core, one in which he invited very few people into. For him to come out publically about his relationship with Magnus was a huge step for him, and she feared that this would ruin him. Alec was terrific about putting up walls around him to protect his heart, and she sincerely hoped that he wouldn't completely close himself off after this. She was worried, extremely worried. Hell, even in a fight, for the longest time he strove to protect everyone else above himself. After this, Isabelle knew he would not give caring for himself a second thought.

She could not stand to see him wasting away like he was. Oh, he was not starving himself by any means, but he had turned his body into a honed weapon. Alec worked out so much and trained so hard that there was hardly any body fat left on him, and he was practically all muscle and bone. Isabelle knew he only ate because he had to and not for the enjoyment of it anymore. She could not remember the last time they had all just hung out and relaxed together. It certainly had been before the break up that was for sure. Isabelle knew she only had one other option, as Alec was refusing to listen to her.

Hoping he was at the Institute and not with anyone, Isabelle went to go hunt down Jace. Of course, she found him training in the weapons room. Isabelle watched for a few moments, waiting until he hit a stopping point. If anyone could get through to Alec, it was his _parabatai_.

"Jace, we need to talk," she told him quietly, not wanting to interrupt. She hoped he would humor her and hear out her concerns. Jace sighed, knowing exactly what Isabelle had come here to talk about.

Jace actually had the same concerns his adopted sister had. He hated seeing Alec tear himself apart about this. Alec had clued him in even less than he had to Isabelle, but Jace could feel that something was horribly wrong. He had never seen Alec this driven or reckless, frankly, than he was right now. Jace recognized the signs as he had done a bit of that when trying to get his focus off of Clary, but nothing to the degree that Alec was doing. Alec's fearlessness was starting to scare Jace, as this was so opposite of the Alec he knew. Unbeknownst to Alec, one night Jace had crept in to Alec's room to check to make sure he hadn't applied the fearless rune to himself. Jace wasn't sure whether or not to be relieved when he hadn't found one. His Alec was thoughtful and practical, always making sure there was a plan. This Alec acted like he did not care if he lived or died. Jace was reluctant to say anything to Izzy, but he feared that if Alec kept up with this pace and course of action, Jace would be bringing him home in a body bag. Jace knew that the family, especially he and Isabelle, would not be able to handle that loss. Still, Jace wondered if Alec had even thought about that or if he was just so driven right now that this was his only focus. Either way, Jace knew that Isabelle was right. Something had to be done. Alec needed an intervention of sorts, and it looked like it would be up to them.

"I know what you're going to say, Izzy," Jace told her. "It's about Alec, isn't it?" he asked softly, also worried about their brother.

"He's killing himself, Jace. He barely sleeps, only eats what is necessary, and he is always training or fighting. It's taking a toll, and it's like he doesn't even care," she said, expressing her concerns.

"I'm not sure he does," Jace mused. He held up a hand against Izzy's protest. "It's not a conscious choice to not care; well, at least I don't think so. I get the feeling that he is in so much pain that driving himself this hard is the only way to stop his feeling the misery. I've seen how miserable he is, and I'm sure you have, too. Despite the fact that Alec has tried to hide it, I know how deeply he's feeling this," Jace explained.

"Then what were we supposed to do? Sit there and let this continue until he kills himself? That's not an option, Jace," Isabelle said passionately.

"I know it's not an option, Izzy," Jace agreed. He sighed again, wishing he knew the best course of action.

"I tried talking to him earlier in the library, but he just blocked me out. It's like, I got a bit of an admission out of him and then he just shut down. As soon as I was able to bring some of the emotions to the surface, he cut me off. I could tell it was getting to him, but then he just walked out. It's like he's afraid to show his vulnerability to us or something. I'm scared, Jace. For once, I don't know what to say or how to help him," she admitted, not liking to voice those words. This was her brother. She should be able to protect him like he always did her, but there was not anything that she could do.

Jace knew where she was coming from. He had tried talking to Alec to get him to open up but had not been successful either. Alec held so much inside that Jace was afraid to know what he was really thinking. Alec had been living this nightmare for months now, and instead of knowing the whole story, Jace barely knew more than in the first week after this had happened. Usually people opened up, explained the whole story as some sort of catharsis and to get closure but not Alec. He knew this couldn't continue either. Luckily their parents hadn't been around or things would have been even worse.

"I've got a plan. I don't really like it, but I see no other option," Jace told Izzy. Yeah, what he had to do would be a bitch, but he had to at least try. He was quickly running out of options. He quickly outlined his plan, not yet having thought it through. "So, do you think there's a chance?" he asked. Isabelle looked doubtful.

"I really don't know, but at this point it's all we've got. I think you're the best person to try it. We don't have any other choice," she told him. Jace kissed her forehead and then took off, wanting to get this over with as quickly as possible. He wasn't sure it had the remote chance of success, but Jace didn't know what else to do at this point.


	4. Broken

**Chapter 4: Broken**

**Author's Note:**

These characters aren't mine, as I'm just borrowing them. All of The Mortal Instruments characters and their world belong to Cassandra Clare. I just had to write this, so I'm borrowing them. No copyright infringement intended.

This takes place a few months after City of Lost Souls. I had to deal with that break up! The idea of this has been in my head for several months but it's just taken a while to get it written. The only CoHF snippet I was aware of was the cell phone thing. Anything else similar is a cool coincidence…. Also, while I was writing this, I had the song "Broken" by Lifehouse stuck in my head. 

* * *

Alec paused at the mouth of the subway tunnel trying to catch his breath. He had found a nest of Ravener demons and was slowly trying to weed them out. He had to be careful, because if he ran into the wrong end of one of their tails, it could spell disaster for him. He already lived through that once and wasn't in a hurry to repeat it. Luckily the demons tended to go out by themselves, so he was able to pick them off one by one. He had just finished killing off a few more and was exhausted. Knowing he needed to rest before going out again, he reluctantly made his way back to the Institute. He had successfully managed to dodge Jace and Izzy the past few days, but he had a feeling his luck was going to run out.

Alec pulled out his phone, staring at the screen as he had done several times over the last month. Maybe today would be the day. With shaking hands, he dialed Magnus, only to hang up when the warlock answered. He just wanted to hear his voice, even if it was on the voicemail, but the warlock seemed to have a sixth sense and had always picked up the phone. Alec figured he would be screening his calls, as he knew he had been deleted from Magnus' phone when he was deleted from his life. He hated his weakness that he still needed to hear Magnus' voice and that he kept calling. Yes, this wasn't the first time that he had called the warlock over the past month. Aching for something, Alec had found himself dialing the warlock on several occasions, only to hang up when Magnus picked up. It was not like Magnus was going to talk to him anyways.

Magnus had made it extremely clear that he wanted nothing more to do with Alec or any other Shadowhunter. Alec had tried hard to honor those wishes, but things had gotten so overwhelming that he had finally given in to weakness. He would not ever admit to Izzy or Jace though. He feared they would think he was even more pathetic if he admitted this lapse to them. Not that he had given them much information on what was going on in the first place. He hated to even consider what Magnus would think of his calling. Alec contemplated throwing away his phone to stop the distraction, but he knew that was only a temporary solution.

Alec dragged himself back to the Institute slowly. He knew Isabelle would have a heart attack if she saw him covered in blood and ichor again, as she hated the fact he went out hunting alone. Usually they only hunted in pairs or groups, but Alec did not want to face the questions being around someone else would inevitably bring. He knew it was not the smartest decision, not to mention unsafe, but he had to do something. Fighting was what he was good at, so fighting would be his release. If he was too exhausted to think then he would be too exhausted to feel misery, at least not to the degree that came when he was not exhausted.

He reached the Institute and made it inside without running into anyone. It appeared that Isabelle and Jace were pursuing other things at the moment, and that was fine with Alec. He went back to his room to grab a fresh set of clothes and went into the bathroom to clean up. He peeled off his Shadowhunter gear, dropping it on the floor. After removing all of his clothes, he set about cleaning off the leather. Ugh, it was riddled with disgusting filth, but luckily Alec had become an expert at quickly and thoroughly cleaning off the leather. When his gear was clean, he set out to clean up himself.

He stepped into the hot water, letting it flow down his body, washing away the mess, at least the mess on his skin. Alec wished it were that easy to clean off the mess on his insides. He soaped down and washed his hair, thinking of how much he had enjoyed Magnus' extravagant shower instead of the utilitarian one that the Institute had. Quickly, he shut down that thought, wishing he could just be numb. Why was it that everything he did reminded him of Magnus? Would there ever be any way to eradicate him from his thoughts? Alec knew he was lying to himself if he thought there was. He was still in love with Magnus, just as much as he was the day Magnus left him. Alec wished otherwise but knew that fact would not change for quite some time.

He hated that he looked at the couples around him with jealously and longing. It almost made him feel even worse that everyone he knew was pairing off. Oh, he wished nothing but the best for his friends and family, but being the single one surrounded by couples in love only served to remind him of his failures with his previous relationship. He watched them kissing, holding hands and laughing together, all the while wishing that he could have that again with Magnus. Knowing that would never happen was like a knife in the heart each time he thought about it. The longing to regain what was lost was overwhelming in itself, and Alec just wanted to move past that.

With a sigh, he turned off the water and stepped out. He had to get out of here in case someone else had come back. He changed quickly and hurried back to his room, reaching it without incident.

Exhausted, Alec climbed into bed for a nap, figuring that sleeping and dreams would be better than the thoughts running through his head at the moment. The more he thought about Magnus the worse it got, so he was determined to sleep and have dreams free of Magnus. That was his hope anyways. The fight had taken more out of him than he knew, so he quickly fell into a deep, dreamless sleep.


	5. It's Not Over

**Chapter 5: It's Not Over**

**Author's Note:**

These characters aren't mine, as I'm just borrowing them. All of The Mortal Instruments characters and their world belong to Cassandra Clare. I just had to write this, so I'm borrowing them. No copyright infringement intended.

This takes place a few months after City of Lost Souls. I had to deal with that break up! The idea of this has been in my head for several months but it's just taken a while to get it written. The only CoHF snippet I was aware of was the cell phone thing. Anything else similar is a cool coincidence…. Also, while I was writing this, I had the song "It's Not Over" by Daughtry stuck in my head. 

* * *

Jace headed down the street, mentally thinking over his plan. He knew it was a last ditch effort, but he could not stand to see Alec tearing himself apart. If Alec found out about this, he'd be mortified and probably want to kill Jace, but he had left Jace with no other choice. It was better that his brother be mad at him than dead, right? Still, even Jace had to admit he wished this plan was a little better thought out, but he really had not left a whole lot of time for planning.

Jace approached his destination quickly, standing out front for a few moments before moving to knock on the door. He prayed that he would be at least heard out, but you never knew…

Magnus heard the knock and got up, knowing he wasn't expecting anyone to stop by. He was deep in research for a client, and distractions weren't really something he needed right now. He opened the door to find Jace Lightwood on his doorstep.

"I was wondering when a Shadowhunter would grace my door again. I thought I made it very clear that I didn't want to see any of you and no longer offer my services. I'm done being the pet warlock," he said sarcastically. Jace's eyebrows shot up, not that he had been expecting a warm welcome.

"Well, Bane, it's nice to see you, too," Jace replied snarkily. He just couldn't help himself. "You are in luck. I'm not here to ask you for any favors or for your services, so no worries there," he said nonchalantly. Magnus' eyes narrowed, wondering why Jace was here then.

"Then why show up on my doorstep? This can hardly be a social call. Out with it, Shadowhunter, please. I'm very busy and can't really afford this intrusion," he said icily. He was not about to let Jace Lightwood get under his skin, even if he knew that snark followed Jace wherever he went.

"It's about Alec," Jace said quietly. "I don't claim to know what went down between you two, because he won't tell me. In fact, Isabelle and I know very little other than the fact that he did something to cause you to break up with him."

"Yes, I did. What happened with us is none of your business. I told him I wanted nothing to do with any of you anymore. Seeing as how I made that request, why are you here?" Magnus used anger to cover up his surprise and concern for Alec. If Jace were here, things couldn't be good. Jace took a breath, everything he planned to say flying out of his mind.

"We need you to talk to Alec. He's not the same, and there's definitely something wrong with him," Jace blurted out.

"We. Broke. Up. How is this a concern of mine?" Magnus asked. Jace figured he would lay it all out for Magnus and beg for Alec's forgiveness later. After all, if things kept up, there wouldn't be an Alec to talk to.

"Alec isn't thinking clearly about anything these days. He's become rather reckless, frankly. All he does is train and go out to fight demons. You know how we usually fight in pairs? Well, Alec refuses. I don't know how many times I've caught him coming back covered in grime and guts from whatever demon killing spree he's just been on. He barely eats and he barely sleeps. He's on a dangerous collision course, I can tell you that," Jace explained, hoping Magnus would finally listen. "It's almost as if he has a death wish, because he doesn't seem to see that what he is doing is going to get him killed," Jace told him. The Alec that Jace was describing did sound very different from the one that he left, but still, he was not over Alec's betrayal. Was this something they could even begin to work through? Magnus wasn't sure. He wasn't about to start spilling his feelings to Jace Lightwood, though.

"I'm sorry to hear that he's having a hard time coming to terms with things. You act like that this has been easy for me. Well, it hasn't, Jace," Magnus snapped, losing his cool.

"So, instead, you'd rather see him come home in a body bag? You'd rather that Alec be dead than actually try speaking to him?" Jace snapped back. He knew he shouldn't have crossed that line, but Alec's life was at stake. He also knew Alec and his heart, and he knew that Alec would never have done anything intentional to hurt Magnus, at least not the way Magnus was talking about it.

"You have got some nerve showing up on my doorstep and then accusing me of wishing Alec dead. How dare you?" Magnus asked angrily.

"I want you to know what the stakes are right now," Jace shot back at him. "This has escalated to that point. Alec has no regard for his well-being, and it's going to get him killed. Period. He won't listen to Isabelle and he won't listen to me. It's like he feels he has to punish himself, so he runs himself ragged. Then he feels he has to redeem himself, so he goes out hunting for demons. Does that sound like a healthy combination to you, Magnus? You can't be so cold-hearted as to not be affected by that," Jace told him passionately.

The sad thing was that the information hit Magnus like a blow to his chest. For Alec to have done a complete reversal within himself was grave indeed. Alec had always been the practical, logical and safe one. For him to go our fighting alone, running low on sleep and fuel was beyond stupidity, and Magnus knew he must be driven by something else. He couldn't let Alec ruin himself like that. Even if he only talked to him to let him know he cared, he knew he would have to consider it.

"I will think about it, Shadowhunter, but I make no promises. If you knew what had happened, I'm not sure that you would have come. Still, I don't like what Alec is doing, so I will decide. Is that all?" Magnus asked, clearly dismissing Jace. Jace knew a dismissal when he heard one.

"That's all that I ask. I didn't know where else to go or who to talk to, so you're one of our last options," Jace explained. He turned to walk away and then thought of something. "Magnus, hang on," he called, coming back up to the door. This was something he hadn't even dared to breathe to Isabelle. "I found something the other day in the library. There was a book on runes… an old book. It looks like someone was hiding it, and I only found it because I was researching something for Clary." He took a deep breath and looked right at Magnus. "It's bad. Alec knows his runes backwards and forwards, and for him to be looking in that book means he was searching for a new one. I saw pages marked about sleeping runes and runes taking away pain, like inner pain. The sleeping rune especially scares me, as those can put someone in a coma if they aren't careful. I just thought you should know what he was researching," Jace explained, taking off without waiting for a response from Magnus. Jace had laid all his cards out, and he only hoped that Magnus would join in the game.

Magnus closed the door slowly and went inside as if in a daze. He sank down onto his couch, processing all that Jace had told him. Alec's behavior scared him more than he was willing to admit to Jace. This wasn't like his Alec at all, and although he was reluctant to, he had to agree with Jace. Alec did seem to heave a death wish, or if he didn't, he had a strange way of acting like it. Magnus was afraid that Alec would get himself into a dangerous situation if this continued. He was completely at a loss as to what to do. Sure, he could remain aloof and distant…after all, they had broken up and he had no ties to Alec. Alec had considered ending his immortality, his life… but, on the other hand, he had only done this because he couldn't bear to be separated from Magnus. Alec had been contemplating turning him mortal so that they could be together. If Magnus never forgave him, Alec could possibly get himself killed running himself into the ground to somehow rectify a situation that he saw as unfixable. If Magnus reached out to him, maybe he would stop this insane mission that he was on.

Magnus wasn't sure what to do. He knew Alec had been thinking about him, because he hadn't missed the phone calls from Alec. He still had Alec in his phone, and he hadn't been able to bring himself to delete him as yet… so each time he called, the caller ID announced it was him. As if he could forget the number either. Sometimes he just let it ring, but other times he picked up just to see if Alec would say anything. Each time, Alec had hung up without saying a word. Magnus wasn't sure he understood the point of calling without talking… Some days he wished Alec would just say something.

What to do… what to do… what to do… Magnus spent the rest of the day wrestling with himself to figure out what to do about Alec. Part of him wanted to forget all that he just learned, and part of him wanted to rush out and help Alec. Would Alec even respond if Magnus reached out to him? He didn't know how receptive Alec would be to any "interference" on his part. Still, he had to try… Before he could reconsider, Magnus grabbed the phone and sent out a quick text, hoping he wasn't going to regret it.


	6. When I Was Your Man

**Chapter 6: When I Was Your Man**

**Author's Note:**

These characters aren't mine, as I'm just borrowing them. All of The Mortal Instruments characters and their world belong to Cassandra Clare. I just had to write this, so I'm borrowing them. No copyright infringement intended.

This takes place a few months after City of Lost Souls. I had to deal with that break up! The idea of this has been in my head for several months but it's just taken a while to get it written. The only CoHF snippet I was aware of was the cell phone thing. Anything else similar is a cool coincidence…. Also, while I was writing this, I had the song "When I Was Your Man" by Bruno Mars stuck in my head. 

* * *

When Alec's phone began singing, he lay back on his bed, trying to ignore it. His morning had been spent fighting the nest of demons in the subway, and he still hadn't made much of a dent. All he wanted to do at the moment was sleep for what seemed to be a year, because that's how exhausted he was. He closed his eyes, intending to rest for a moment, but he woke up a few hours later.

Upon waking, Alec looked around groggily, having slept extremely awkwardly. Ugh, next time he lay back to rest, he made a mental note to actually stretch out so he didn't twist himself up funny when he dozed off. He rolled his head around, trying to loosen up his cramped neck when he heard his phone chirping, reminding him to check the forgotten message. Alec groaned and climbed off the bed, now wishing for a hot soak in the hot tub, knowing his muscles would appreciate the relief. He grabbed his phone, wondering what family member needed him this time. When he pulled up his text messages, he saw one from Magnus, which surprised him so much that he dropped his phone.

Alec rubbed his eyes, trying to wake up to make sure he wasn't still dreaming. He picked up his phone and peered at the text message again, his heart beginning to pound. Sure enough, the text message was still there. Alec didn't know what to think, as he had honestly not expected to get to talk to the warlock again. Magnus had sent a simple message just asking if they could meet at Taki's this evening. Alec checked the clock, realizing he didn't have much time before they were supposed to meet. He sent a hasty reply in agreement before he could chicken out and then hurried to the bathroom to shower and clean up before leaving.

Before too long, Alec was clean and dressed in a sweater and jeans. He knew Magnus never cared for the sweater, but at this point it didn't really seem to matter. Now that he was more awake, he had to wonder just what this was all about. In no way did he think that they were getting back together. No, he had messed things up too badly for that. Alec wasn't sure why it was then that Magnus was texting him. Maybe he needed some Shadowhunter research or something and Alec's number was the only one he could find. Alec knew he couldn't overanalyze this one, so he grabbed his keys and wallet and headed out the door.

Alec walked into Taki's a bit early and per Magnus' instructions slid into their usual booth in the back. Luckily, since it was so far from the main hub of everything, they at least would have a bit of privacy. Alec stared at his fingers morosely, wondering if Magnus would even come. What if he were stood up? Would he just sit there like an idiot for hours just waiting? Alec had started to seriously worry when Magnus walked in, right on time, and slid in the booth across from him.

For a moment, Alec couldn't do anything but stare at Magnus. He didn't think he would actually come until the moment he saw it for his own eyes. To Alec, Magnus was still his outrageous, gorgeous self, handsome as ever. Today he had dressed simply, and it was strange to see him without all of the frills and glitter. Other than looking a bit more tired than usual, Magnus looked pretty well.

Magnus was also studying Alec, and he couldn't say the same about his Shadowhunter. Alec had honed himself down to what seemed to be his essence: he was pure muscle and bone. Jace was right in that Alec was pushing himself too far. Magnus could read the signs of exhaustion in his eyes and his skin seemed paler than ever. His beautiful blue eyes radiated pain and spoke more volumes than anything else. This side of Alec was not something that Magnus had expected to see, and he grew even more worried. He hadn't even looked this drastic after Max's death or the whole thing with Sebastian and Jace. Something had to change, and Magnus wished he knew what he could do to help.

"Hey, there," Magnus said softly. He wanted to break the ice somehow but was still so conflicted about everything.

"I'm really sorry about the phone calls," Alec blurted out. He flushed a bit, as he wanted to come off looking alright and he was anything less than that. "I wasn't thinking and I just—" he broke off as Magnus held up a hand.

"It's fine, really," he said, trying to reassure Alec. Well, not really, but what was he to say? No, why the hell didn't you all leave me alone?

"No, no, I wasn't respecting your wishes, and I'm sorry. And… about everything, Magnus, I truly am sorry," Alec apologized. "I just hope that one day you will let me explain," he said, even though he knew it was pointless. Magnus just sighed, hoping he wasn't giving Alec the wrong signals.

"I know there is a lot to discuss, but now is not the place," he said, wanting to address something else before going there. "Rumor on the street is that there's one Shadowhunter out there with a vendetta against demon-kind. Care to elaborate?" Magnus asked carefully. He only came to make sure Alec started taking care of himself, and he had no desire to revisit anything related to their relationship.

"So? I like demon hunting. That's what Shadowhunters do, right?" he let out a humorless laugh which sounded more depressing than uplifting. "I don't want to bother the others, so I've gone out a few times on my own. It's not a major thing here, really," Alec explained, trying to downplay everything. Why was Magnus so concerned anyways?

"Alexander, that's the problem," Magnus started to explain. "I know you, and you would never go hunting something alone. Isn't that one of the first things you tell the new recruits? And even though this lean frame is badass, I'm willing to bet you're barely eating and sleeping," Magnus told him. He hoped it came across that he got the information from looking at Alec rather than someone else having informed Magnus of the situation. "If you're not well-rested or well-fed, then your body can't function properly. I'm worried about you, frankly," Magnus said, a bit more blunt.

"Why, Magnus? I thought you never wanted to see me or my kind again. Wasn't that how you phrased it? So then why are you suddenly so worried about me?" Alec stopped, the reason clicking in his head. "Jace. Isabelle. Did one of them come to talk to you?" He would kill them himself if that were the case. By the Angel….

"Alec, listen to me. It matters, alright, just know it matters," Magnus tried to explain. What was he supposed to say, that he couldn't handle things without knowing Alec was still alive in this world, even though they were no longer together? "You have people that care about you and people who don't want to see you hurting yourself like this." Magnus was growing more and more confused as he felt all of the old feelings rushing back. Damnit, he wasn't ready to give into this! He hadn't made up his mind yet on what he felt like he should do. Even though he had never stopped loving Alec, he still was having a hard time coming to terms with what had happened.

Alec sat there listening to Magnus, confused still on why he had gotten involved with this. Yes, let's bring in the ex-boyfriend to fix things because he was so messed up…

"I'm fine, so none of you guys should worry," Alec told him lightly, lying through his teeth. He was far from it, but Magnus didn't have to know that. Magnus just gave him a look.

"You think I can't tell when you're hiding something, Alexander?" Magnus asked him quietly. This wasn't going the way Magnus had planned at all.

"What does it matter how I'm doing? You didn't want any part of me, and I'm trying to stay back. I can't fix the mess I made, so this is the least I can do," Alec told him, feeling as if his heart were being ripped out of his chest all over again. "If this is my way of coping, so be it," he said tiredly. He didn't know what else to stay. Sure, what he was doing probably wasn't the smartest thing in the world, but if he stayed back at the Institute, he would go insane. He hadn't handled heartbreak before and wasn't very good at trying to cope with it now. "I don't know what else to do. This is my solution," he said with more force than he intended. He didn't want to feel this miserable and broken. He didn't want to feel all the hurt and pain that rushed through him every time he thought of Magnus. Hell, sitting here talking to him was almost unbearable. He felt as if a carrot was being dangled in front of him that would be ripped away just as he reached for it.

Magnus just gazed at Alec for a moment, realizing just how tormented Alec felt. Magnus sometimes forgot just how young Alec was compared to the eight centuries he had lived. Alec was only eighteen and surely bound to make some mistakes. Magnus sighed, wondering why all practicality flew out of his head any time he was around Alec…which was part of the reason he had cut things off. _So then why are you here if you are keeping things cut off? _ His conscience asked him. That was a question that Magnus couldn't answer. Deep down, he probably _didn't_ want ties to be severed…but he had to reconcile this with how he felt about Alexander's mistake. Magnus wished he had a guidebook for rectifying this, if that was indeed what he was doing. Yeah, they really wrote _A Guidebook For Warlocks: Making It Work With Your Shadowhunter_… not on the likely. Before he knew it, Magnus found himself speaking without thought as to what he was going to say before the words came out.

"I still care for you, Alec, and I'm worried. Maybe… maybe we can work it out to try to be friends at least," Magnus offered. He surprised even himself with that statement. Was this what he really wanted? No, what he wanted was to reverse time and stop Alec before he tried anything, but he wasn't about to go playing with time. Could they just be friends? Magnus wasn't sure about that, but he couldn't just let Alec sit there and destroy himself either.

Alec looked at Magnus in disbelief. What happened to not wanting to have anything to do with Shadowhunters? To say that Alec was confused and mixed up was putting it mildly. He had been hoping that Magnus would reach out, but Alec didn't even know how to start being Magnus' friend. He tried speaking but it took a few attempts as his mouth had gone completely dry.

"I-well, are you sure about this? Can we even be friends?" Alec asked, confused. He was still in love with Magnus so he wasn't sure how the friendship thing would work, honestly. Still, he wasn't about to just ignore what Magnus was throwing out there for him. Magnus just shrugged.

"Honestly? I don't know, but I'm willing to try. There's still a lot that I'm trying to resolve, so this is going to be a slow process just trying to rebuild a friendship and trust again." Magnus' green-gold cat eyes met Alec's pale blue ones. "You're going to have to give me time with all of this, but I'm willing to work on a friendship," Magnus told him. He did not know if they could even be friends, between their intense relationship and the aftermath, but that was the only option that they had at the moment.

"I respect that, and I would like to see if we can be friends again," Alec told him softly. He had not expected to get even that, so he was willing to agree to anything. Of course Alec wanted more, but he knew that would never happen again. Right now he would take any part of Magnus that he could get.

Magnus hoped that by reaching out, some of Alec's inner turmoil would die down. This way maybe he would quit acting so reckless. He wasn't in a position to make Alec swear to anything, but he hoped Alec would quit these crazy demon hunting missions.

"Then we will make plans to talk again," Magnus said vaguely. His head was spinning, so he knew he had to get out of there to give himself time to think. What had he just proposed? "I have a client tonight, so I can't stay. I just wanted to talk to you. We'll meet up soon, alright?" Magnus asked him.

"I'd like that," Alec told him softly. They exchanged a few more random sentences and then Magnus slipped out, wanting nothing more than the comfort of his apartment. Alec was reeling from the meeting, still not quite sure what was happening. He slowly got up from the table and began to make his way back to the Institute. For now, he planned on just keeping this to himself, at least until he had a solid explanation as to what exactly to tell people. Things were too confusing at the moment for him to explain as it was.


	7. Whataya Want From Me

**Chapter 7: Whataya Want From Me**

**Author's Note:**

These characters aren't mine, as I'm just borrowing them. All of The Mortal Instruments characters and their world belong to Cassandra Clare. I just had to write this, so I'm borrowing them. No copyright infringement intended.

This takes place a few months after City of Lost Souls. I had to deal with that break up! The idea of this has been in my head for several months but it's just taken a while to get it written. The only CoHF snippet I was aware of was the cell phone thing. Anything else similar is a cool coincidence…. Also, while I was writing this, I had the song "Whataya Want From Me" by Adam Lambert stuck in my head. 

* * *

The next day, Alec was still trying to understand his meeting with Magnus from the previous day. He wondered what had sparked the change in Magnus and why he was allowing Alec back in to his life. Their last meeting a few months ago had seemed so final that Alec had not even dared hope for any form of contact… and yet here it was. He wasn't sure what to believe or if the reaching out had been an impulse or a whim. What if Magnus changed his mind once he was alone and had finally thought things through? Knowing he had a tendency to overanalyze everything, Alec tried to take the meeting just as it was. Against his better judgment, he felt a frisson of hope begin to bloom in his chest. If he had to choose, he would rather have a friendship with Magnus over nothing at all. Alec knew he hadn't a hope of anything more, so he took hold of this offering and wouldn't let it go without a fight.

These thoughts ran incessantly in Alec's head as he dressed for his mission that morning. Even though the meeting had brightened his mood, Alec knew there was still a nest of Ravener demons that he still had to clean up. Today he hoped that he would be able to wipe them out. Once he finished with this nest, then maybe he would abandon fighting on his own… but if he didn't finish this, it was as if he were abandoning his duty. He donned his Shadowhunter gear and went to go equip his weapons before heading out.

Unbeknownst to Alec, Jace had slowly been tracking him. He saw that Alec had refused to give up the solo demon hunting, and he wanted to make sure Alec had back-up if he needed. Jace knew he had to make sure that Alec didn't detect him or there would be a massive argument. Jace didn't like tailing Alec any more than he knew Alec would if he knew, but Jace refused to let Alec fight this alone. Jace was already leery about the Ravener demons, so the fact that Alec was fighting a number of them on his own only worried Jace further.

As he headed towards the subway, Alec knew he couldn't keep doing this. He yawned, not having slept well the night before. If today didn't go well, he knew he would have to ask Jace for help if he insisted on eradicating the demons from the subway. He was too exhausted and even he could tell that his body was wearing down.

He approached the subway and headed down into the tunnels, scanning ahead of him as he walked. There was still evidence of demons, but it seemed that there were far fewer of them down there. As it got darker and the lighting dimmed, Alec drew his seraph blade in one hand and his witchlight in the other. He crept carefully down the tunnel, a bit unnerved at not having run into any of the demons as yet. It was just too quiet…

As soon as that thought crossed his mind, a demon jumped out. Alec whispered, "Ithuriel" to the blade to make it come alive and began to fight, dodging lithely out of the way of its tail a number of times. He made short work of the demon and began to take on the next one, realizing that a few more demons had made an appearance.

Only his skill as a fighter had saved him from a few close calls. Before, the demons had only come out one at a time, which made them much easier to fight. Today, it seemed as if they had all coordinated to band together. Alec noticed that the demons were growing in number and he wasn't sure if he would be able to fight them all. Just as Alec was realizing that he might have gotten in over his head, Jace jumped out from his hiding spot to join in the fray.

"I don't want you to be mad, but I figured you could use my excellent services as a fighter," Jace said in a snarky tone as he danced around a demon.

"Jace, what in the name of the Angel are you doing here?" Alec asked as he dodged out of the way of one of the demons. He didn't know how Jace got there, but his initial annoyance was soon replaced with gratitude as Jace helped him take on the demons.

"Are you seriously asking me that question?" was Jace's only reply to Alec. Alec couldn't say he wasn't surprised to find Jace there. Instead of getting upset with Jace, Alec focused on the fact that Jace was probably saving him right now by helping with the fight. "You seriously believed you were going to take on these all by yourself?" Jace asked incredulously.

"Look, it was a way of coping with everything," Alec told him exasperated. "You know how you felt before you and Clary could really be together. Remember how much that weighed on you? Well, same thing here… I screwed up royally and now I'm paying the penalty for it," Alec explained.

"Yeah, but that doesn't mean you have to go out and kill yourself either, Alec. There are other ways of dealing with the pain," Jace told him matter-of-factly.

_I can't believe we're having this conversation in the middle of a battle_, Alec thought. He barely missed getting on the wrong end of the demon, so he whirled and got out of the way as fast as he could.

"Alec, what really happened with you and Magnus?" Jace asked him in-between sword parries. Alec tried to think of the best way to explain it. He knew he couldn't lie to his _parabatai_.

"Let's just say I let my insecurities get the best of me and I made a colossal mistake. Magnus broke up with me and said he wanted nothing to do with me or any other Shadowhunter," Alec explained. "He essentially cut off all ties to me and any one else that I might know," Alec told him.

"And you haven't heard from him since then?" Jace asked delicately. He tried to probe without letting Alec know what had transpired.

"Oh, don't think for a second I don't know what you did, Jace Lightwood," Alec said, his tone slightly reproachful. He was still embarrassed that his brother had felt the need to try to talk to his ex-boyfriend about him

"Wait, he contacted you?" Jace asked incredulously, pausing for a moment. He had forgotten that he wasn't supposed to know anything about them talking again. He quickly resumed fighting as he remembered where he was at. Getting distracted meant getting on the wrong side of a demon.

"As if you didn't know he would," Alec told him, exasperated.

"I seriously did not know if he would. I just asked him to think about it. That's all, Alec. C'mon, I did it because I care and was worried," Jace told him, hoping Alec wasn't too upset.

"I appreciate the concern, but I had it handled," Alec said, giving him a look. He still didn't want to admit that he really did need help with this.

"Alec, come on. Don't say that, because that's not true. It's nothing to be embarrassed about. Just let me in, alright?" Jace told him. Alec sighed, knowing Jace was right.

"I know, and I'm sorry," Alec said. "I was just trying to keep all this from you," he said. He knew that sometimes, like Jace, he was too stubborn for his own good.

"Which isn't what you're supposed to be doing…" Jace replied. "So, tell me… what happened with Magnus? I mean when he contacted you," Jace asked, knowing Alec didn't want to get into details of the break-up. "I know there's no way he could go this long without talking to you."

"I received a text from him asking to meet at Taki's. We talked, 'cause he was concerned. Supposedly he said maybe we can try to work at being friends. We'll see if that's what really happens," Alec said, shrugging. He tried to focus more on the demons in front of him and less on Magnus. He didn't want to get his hopes up if there was a chance that they could be crushed again.

"He said that? Awesome!" Jace said, happy that some good had come out of his meeting with Magnus. He was going to say something else when a few additional demons approached, and the two of them had to focus more on fighting than talking. Alec had lost count of how many demons they had slain, but it looked like there was no end in sight. As time wore on, he could feel himself growing even more tired.

"Jace? What do you say we figure out a way to get out of here and call an end to this fight?" Alec called over to him. He hadn't realized how worn out he had gotten, and the extended fighting was only accenting that. Jace heard the fatigue in Alec's voice and knew the wall he had been anticipating for Alec to hit was fast approaching. He managed to work his way over to Alec. They started clearing a path from demons so they could head above ground, where they would be safer. Jace just hoped the demons backed off while the two Shadowhunters made their retreat.

Jace reached the stairs and started heading up, thinking Alec was right behind him. When he heard a cry from Alec, Jace whirled around to see a Ravener demon pulling his tail out from Alec's leg, which was bleeding profusely from the wound. The poison was already starting to work its way into Alec's system, and he felt himself growing woozy. Jace dashed over and grabbed Alec, slashing at any demon getting in his way. As if they could sense that something had happened, no demon tried to attack them further. Somehow Jace managed to drag Alec out of the tunnels without further incident. Jace couldn't believe Alec had gotten stabbed by a Ravener demon yet again. Hadn't they already danced this dance before?

"Jace, I'm so sorry. I never meant…" Alec whispered, unable to speak very well. "Thanks for having my back in there," he said. Jace looked at him in concern, noting Alec's ashen face.

"We'll fix this, I promise," Jace told him, a little panicked. Alec only shook his head, knowing that it was Magnus who had saved him before. Now that he wasn't going to be available, their options were slim to none of finding a cure. A healing rune wouldn't heal demon poison.

"I love you guys, and I'm sorry for everything," Alec choked out. His eyes rolled back into his head and he slumped in Jace's arms, already unconscious. Jace picked him up and managed to hail a cab back to the Institute. He flew inside and up to the infirmary. His heart pounded as he desperately thought of what to do.

"Isabelle!" Jace shouted, needing her help. Isabelle came tearing into the infirmary, hearing the panic in Jace's voice. Her eyes rested on Alec's inert form and she rushed over to him.

"By the Angel, Jace, what- what happened?" she asked, trying not to freak out completely.

"Ravener demon. Again. I knew this was going to happen. I don't give a damn what he says. Call Magnus. NOW, Izzy!" Jace told her, not willing to take an argument from her. Isabelle raced from the room to go grab her cell phone. She dialed Magnus with shaking hands. No way was she losing another brother and especially not after all that they had been through. As the phone kept ringing, she started to panic. What if he didn't answer? What if he knew it was her and was deliberately avoiding the phone call? She almost hung up when she heard Magnus pick up the phone.

"You Shadowhunters are mighty persistent. What part of 'no longer the pet warlock' was hard to understand?" Magnus asked as he answered the phone.

"Magnus, thank the Angel. It's Alec, please, we need your help," Isabelle told him, her voice breaking. "It was a Ravener demon," she told him in a rush. Originally Magnus was going to let them know he would deal with Alec in his own time, but at the mention of the Ravener demon, his blood ran cold. He knew this was one call that he couldn't ignore.

"I'll be right there," he told Isabelle without another thought. He hung up and went to throw on clothes, tearing out of the house. Regardless of their situation, Magnus was not going to allow Alec to die if he could help it. Remembering Jace's remark about bringing Alec home in a body bag, Magnus quickened his pace, not knowing how severe the situation was.

Magnus forced himself to clear his mind as he hurried to the Institute. Worrying about reconciling with Alec, whether he should have acted sooner or whether or not Alec was dying was not going to help him at this moment. The only way he would be of any help was if he were clear and focus for the job at hand. He couldn't allow any distractions or errant thoughts into his mind, especially if Alec's life hung in the balance.

He approached the door, raising his hand to knock, when the door swung open. Jace silently let him in and headed up to the Infirmary, expecting Magnus to follow. "Isabelle refused to leave his side. He's unconscious at the moment," Jace told him gravely. Magnus put his hand on Jace's shoulder, spinning him around so that they were face-to-face.

"Jace, what happened? What am I working with here?" Magnus asked, needing a little information.

"We were fighting Raveners, and one stabbed Alec in the leg. The poison coupled with the blood loss caused him to pass out. He's still breathing, but that's all I know," Jace said flatly, keeping it brief. "It's a good think I decided to follow him this morning, otherwise, who knows what would have happened. I almost didn't catch him as he went out," Jace explained. What would have happened to Alec if he hadn't been there? Magnus walked past him into the Infirmary, stopping when he saw Alec's inert form on the bed.

"Let me work on him, and I'll keep you updated. I need privacy, though," Magnus told Jace and Isabelle, waiting until they left the room. The last thing he needed was emotional family members hovering around to distract him. He watched as they walked out the door before turning back to the bed. "Oh, Alexander," he breathed, frowning. "What have you done to yourself?" This was what he feared. Alec lay unmoving, his skin ashen. Magnus knew they had to get the poison out or he would die. Luckily he had only been stabbed in one of his limbs, but the time he had been unconscious worried him.

Magnus put his cloak on the nearby bed and approached Alec. He gently felt Alec's wrist for a pulse, noting the sluggish heartbeat. Immediately, Magnus snapped into healer mode, focusing only on getting Alec well. He refused to consider any other scenario. He unwrapped the bandage around Alec's leg, needing to look at the wound closer. The wound looked even more gruesome up close, and Magnus needed better access to heal it. He used some of his magic to remove Alec's hunting gear and dress him in a hospital gown.

Magnus gently cleaned out the wound and then got to work siphoning out the demon poisoning, a very slow and tedious process. He knew he had to stay focused and remain patient throughout, even though he wished Alec were healed already. After removing the poison, Magnus had to heal the wound and make sure that no infection would get into it. Hours passed as Magnus worked to heal Alec. Magnus could see that he was making progress as a bit of color was slowly returning to Alec's cheeks. Finally he had eradicated all of the poison from Alec's body and had stabilized the wound. He sighed, running his hands through his hair, completely exhausted.

Knowing Jace and Isabelle would want an update, Magnus went to the door and peered out at the two, who were sitting there nervously waiting.

"He's in the clear. I've removed the poison and stabilized his wound. He hasn't woken up just yet, but he's out of danger," Magnus informed them.

"How can we thank you?" Isabelle asked, eyes shining with tears.

"No thanks are needed. You two go rest and you can check-in on him later. I will stay to keep an eye on him," Magnus told them. He returned to the Infirmary without waiting for them to leave. He sat down on a chair and scooted it towards the bed, wanting to keep a close eye on his charge. Magnus had healed Alec, but he always liked to monitor his patients, just in case.

Magnus gazed back down at Alec, finally letting himself feel everything. If he had lost Alec, it would have destroyed him. It was one thing to cut off all ties, but he knew that Alec was still out there, alive and fighting. If he was still alive, there was always that opportunity to talk again, regardless if Magnus was ready for it or not. If Alec had died, then Magnus would never be able to resolve the situation. Magnus had never stopped loving Alec; he just had not been able to be around him after what he did. If they were together, Magnus knew that he would eventually lose his Shadowhunter, but he hadn't ever thought about it happening while Alec was so young. Looking down at Alec's unconscious face, Magnus knew that he couldn't bear to lose Alec this soon in life, as Alec had just begun to live his life.

Thinking about everything in this context made Magnus see things in another light. Ultimately, Alec had turned away from the opportunity to take away Magnus' immortality. Yes, Alec had gone to Camille to get information on how to remove immortality, but when it came down to it, Alec had not been able to go through with the act itself. Magnus knew that Alec was dedicated in tracking down and researching leads, no matter if it was a good thing or not. Alec's goodness had shown through at the moment when he rejected something that would harm his beloved. Alec should have mentioned it to him, but seeing as how Magnus broke up with him the moment he found out, Magnus couldn't really blame him for keeping quiet.

If Alec had gone through with the plan to remove Magnus' immortality, then that indeed would have been a betrayal. Magnus knew that Alec had a good heart and was just searching for answers. Having almost lost Alec made Magnus reconsider everything that he was feeling. Magnus knew now that he could forgive Alec; it had taken almost losing him to make him realize this. He was too tired to figure out the details, but he knew that he had to make things right with Alec. He leaned over the bed and rested his head, intending to stay for a moment but quickly fell asleep.


	8. Back to Life

**Chapter 8: Back to Life**

**Author's Note:**

These characters aren't mine, as I'm just borrowing them. All of The Mortal Instruments characters and their world belong to Cassandra Clare. I just had to write this, so I'm borrowing them. No copyright infringement intended.

This takes place a few months after City of Lost Souls. I had to deal with that break up! The idea of this has been in my head for several months but it's just taken a while to get it written. The only CoHF snippet I was aware of was the cell phone thing. Anything else similar is a cool coincidence…. Also, while I was writing this, I had the song "Back to Life" by NKOTB stuck in my head. 

* * *

Alec came back to consciousness slowly, wincing at the pain coursing through his body as he tried to move his limbs. Disoriented, his eyes fluttered open as he tried to figure out where he was. The last thing he remembered was the subway fight and then passing out in front of Jace. As he took in the bright lights and white walls, he groaned, realizing he was in the Infirmary… yet again. He tilted his head to look around more and noticed Magnus sleeping lightly at the edge of his bed. So that was how he survived the Ravener's poison… Alec wasn't sure what made Magnus accept to come heal him, but Alec was beyond grateful.

Trying not to move too much, Alec stretched his hand out to gently run his hand through Magnus's hair, something he had missed doing. He was trying to do it without waking the warlock, knowing he wouldn't have been permitted to do so had Magnus been awake. Instead, Magnus bolted upright, looking at Alec with sleepy eyes. Alec froze, not knowing how to react.

Magnus shook his head, forcing himself into wakefulness. He didn't say anything about Alec touching him, even though Alec knew he had to have felt it. Magnus stood up and looked Alec over. "I need to check you, hold on," he said, not wanting to talk until he had made sure Alec was better. He checked the wound, relieved to see that it was healing nicely with no infections. Alec's color was much better, and he showed no side-effects from the poison. He gently took Alec's wrist and felt for his pulse, and he was relieved to feel it going strong and steady. He sat back down and turned his green-gold eyes to meet Alec's blue ones.

"Everything is healing well and I don't think there will be any after effects from this," Magnus told him softly. Alec didn't say anything for a moment.

"Somehow, thank you just seems so inadequate," he told Magnus. "I know you said you didn't want to be called upon anymore, so you didn't have to come heal me. I owe you my life, again, so thank you," Alec told him quietly, still recovering. He dropped his eyes to stare at the blanket, unsure on how to react.

"Oh, Alexander," Magnus said, shaking his head. He tilted Alec's chin up so he could look into his eyes. "After everything we've been through, do you honestly think I could refuse a call for my assistance seeing as how you were dying?" he asked, exasperated. So Alec thought so little of himself now that he believed that Magnus would rather let him die than save him? "No matter what's happening with us, I'd never be so cruel as to blatantly just let you die." Magnus was upset by the fact that Alec thought he would even think that. "I still care for you, and I've never stopped. I just had to deal with things," he explained to Alec, gently taking his hand.

"I-I…" Alec stuttered, his mouth dry. He wished his head weren't so fuzzy so he could focus better. "I know I hurt you, so I didn't know what all you would be willing to do," he finished lamely. Magnus sighed.

"Now is not the time to have this conversation, as I know you just woke up from being unconscious. Just know that you matter to me, more than you know. Things aren't over between us," he said, gently touching Alec's cheek. Magnus knew that he wanted to reconcile with Alec, but he had much to say to him first. He preferred to wait until the Shadowhunter had a clear mind before they had this conversation.

"I believe there are certain people anxious to see you, so let me go alert them that you are awake," Magnus told him, sweeping from the room before Alec could say anything. Alec lay back, trying to figure everything out, his sluggish brain not working as fast as he wished. So, the meeting the other day hadn't been a fluke. At least Magnus had saved him, which bode well for them reconciling with at least a friendship. Alec didn't know what else to make of this, but he was interrupted from deeper thought by Jace and Izzy's entrance.

"Alec!" Isabelle exclaimed, running to the bed and throwing her arms around her brother. She didn't bother to hide the tears running down her face. Alec hugged her back, still feeling weak.

"Hey, Iz. Shhh, it's okay. I'm here, I'm still here," he said soothingly, lightly rubbing her back. He didn't realize how upset Isabelle had been about everything until that moment.

"Don't you ever do this again, I mean it," she scolded him lightly. She pulled back, wiping away tears. "I'm not losing another brother, so don't even think about it," she told him. Alec was going to lay back when Jace approached and hugged him as well.

"Isabelle's right. Never again, alright? It would be too much work to train another partner," Jace said with his usual snark to take the edge off his emotions. Alec laughed and then winced from the pain. He held his hands up in defeat.

"Okay, I promise. No more reckless fighting, I promise," Alec told them. "Oof," he said as the two enveloped him in a hug again. "Guys, I'm fine really," he said before catching the look on Magnus' face. "Alright, not fine, but I will be." He knew that things might have ended badly. "Jace, thanks for getting me back here. I owe you my life as well," he said honestly. Jace shrugged, playing it off. Someone had to remain unemotional in here.

"That's what I'm here for… to rescue you," Jace said with a wink. Alec just rolled his eyes, knowing Jace was taking this more seriously than he was letting on. Alec stifled a yawn, trying to cover it up with his hand.

"And on that note, my patient needs to rest," Magnus said, stepping forward. "You can come visit him later, but he just woke up from being unconscious and needs to relax." Magnus didn't want too much excitement for Alec since he was still recovering. He needed Alec to take it easy and having Izzy and Jace in the room was too large of a chance of him getting up to soon. Isabelle kissed her brother's cheek and squeezed his hand.

"We'll just be downstairs and I will be back as soon as Magnus lets me," she told Alec, trying to smile for his benefit. Jace merely nodded and took Isabelle's hand to lead her out. Magnus ushered them out of the room and came back over to Alec's bed, sitting down next to him.

"See, you do have people that care about you, so this is why you shouldn't be putting yourself in the unnecessary way of harm. I know it comes with the territory, but what you were doing is definitely outside of that scope," Magnus told him, trying not to lecture too much. Alec just gazed at him, knowing he was right but unsure of what to say.

"I know, it's just…" he started when Magnus put a finger to his lips to silence them.

"Shh, I know. Alec, _I know_." Magnus sighed, knowing now was not the time to get all deep and philosophical. They both were exhausted and Magnus knew that neither of them were thinking clearly. "Just promise you won't do this again," Magnus said as Alec nodded. That was twice that he had rescued Alec specifically from certain death… well, Alec alone, anyways. He didn't want to count either of the battles, since there were other casualties involved with each of those. "Look, this discussion is too heavy to have when you're not as coherent and I'm beyond exhausted. Let's just rest and then we can go over all of this later, alright?" Magnus told him. He could tell that Alec was growing sleepy again. Magnus fussed with the sheet covering Alec and then leaned down to kiss his forehead. "All you need to focus on is getting better," Magnus informed him. "Sleep now," he said, using a bit more energy to cast a spell to help Alec fall back asleep. Once he was satisfied that Alec was sleeping, Magnus stretched out on the bed next to him and closed his eyes. Before long, Magnus had drifted off to sleep as well.


	9. Mirrors

**Chapter 9: Mirrors**

**Author's Note:**

These characters aren't mine, as I'm just borrowing them. All of The Mortal Instruments characters and their world belong to Cassandra Clare. I just had to write this, so I'm borrowing them. No copyright infringement intended.

This takes place a few months after City of Lost Souls. I had to deal with that break up! The idea of this has been in my head for several months but it's just taken a while to get it written. The only CoHF snippet I was aware of was the cell phone thing. Anything else similar is a cool coincidence…. Also, while I was writing this, I had the song "Mirrors" by Justin Timberlake stuck in my head. 

* * *

A few days had passed, and Alec was more than ready to leave the Infirmary. Jace and Izzy had been almost overbearing in their protectiveness of him. Alec was feeling much better and didn't have any residual effects from the demon poison. The wound on his leg was still healing, causing him to wince every time he put weight on it. He refused to deal with crutches, something that exasperated Isabelle to know end. Alec knew that the faster he healed the sooner things would get back to normal. The _iratze_ rune he had placed on his leg seemed to be helping a lot.

Even though they hadn't talked much more about the important things, something seemed to have shifted between Magnus and Alec. Dutifully, Magnus came by every day to check on his charge and make sure he was healing properly. Magnus wanted to make sure there was no trace of anything left that might harm Alec. He also wanted to make sure the Shadowhunter wasn't attempting to train or run off and fight something before he was completely healed. Even though he hadn't said anything as yet, Magnus was still planning on having a major talk with Alec. He was determined that things would get resolved between the two, but he wanted to wait until Alec had recovered more.

Today was no exception. Magnus hurried upstairs and walked into the Infirmary, frowning as he saw Alec trying to put more weight on his leg. Magnus rolled his eyes at the impatience of his Shadowhunter.

"You just have an issue sitting there resting, now don't you?" Magnus said sarcastically. "Is there a problem with a little indulgence? You almost died, after all." Alec couldn't help smiling.

"It's not like I'm trying to go out and fight. I'm just bored, that's all. I'm restless. It's been a while since I've sat still for so long, and it's starting to drive me a little crazy," Alec confessed. He felt as if he should be doing something, so he decided to try his own version of physical therapy. Magnus sighed, knowing Alec all too well. He wanted to talk to his Shadowhunter, but they needed time to talk in private. The Institute had too many prying eyes and ears.

"Well, do you want to come on a field trip with me?" Magnus asked him, trying to figure out the best way to get Alec out without him hurting himself. "You said you were growing bored in here," Magnus said. Alec shrugged.

"Sure, what did you have in mind?" Alec asked, not knowing where Magnus was going with this.

"How about we go to Central Park? We can just talk away from everyone," Magnus told him. "You'll have to use crutches, as it might look strange with me carrying you," Magnus quipped, enjoying the flush that came to Alec's cheeks.

"That's fine. Let me get ready, and you can let Jace and Isabelle know, alright?" Alec asked. "I'll meet you in the library," Alec said, not about to let Magnus help him get ready. He already felt he had been coddled enough. Magnus left to go inform Jace and Isabelle of their plan and Alec hobbled back to his room to get his things and then prepare for a shower.

About thirty minutes later, Alec slowly entered the library, using the prescribed crutches. The _iratze_ rune was healing his leg, but as it was still not fully healed, Magnus was insisting on the crutches. Alec's breath caught as he spotted Magnus next to the fire. Hearing Alec come in, Magnus waved his hand and put out the flames, getting up to greet Alec.

"I see you are actually listening to me for once. Nice extra legs," Magnus teased, winking at Alec. He helped Alec outside where a cab sat idling. Magnus gave the driver directions to the Park and then assisted Alec to get out once they got there.

Magnus chose a secluded spot at the park where they wouldn't be disturbed. He helped Alec get settled on the blanket he conjured up and then sat down next to him. He was quite for a few moments, just gathering his thoughts. Alec didn't want to intrude so he stayed silent as well. Magnus took a deep breath.

"There's a lot to say, but I'm not sure if all of this needs to be said now or rehashed," Magnus started to explain. Realizing that they were having _this_ conversation, Alec broke in.

"Wait, I never got the chance to fully explain what happened. There's so much that I want you to know and understand," Alec tried to explain. Magnus just looked at him, placing his fingers over Alec's lips again.

"I don't need to know, Alexander. I've given this a lot of thought, and I know why you did what you did," Magnus told him, his green-gold eyes searching Alec's baby blues. "I understand your reasoning. I know you better than you think I do. We don't need to do this." Alec could feel himself getting emotional and tried to clamp down on it. Magnus caught the tears welling up and brushed them away before they could spill over. "No, there will be none of that. Just let me say this, alright?" Magnus asked, watching as Alec nodded. "I know it's going to take time to rebuild the trust, but I've come to terms with this. For so long I felt like I had to understand everything, but now I know I don't have to. You're only eighteen, something I tend to forget, as you act much wiser than your young years." Magnus stared off into the distance for a moment before focusing again on Alec's face.

"Relationships have bumps and turns, and there will never be that perfect relationship. I was going to take things slow, work on being friends, etc… but then I almost lost you. At that moment, I realized that this didn't matter. What it boiled down to was that you were trying to find a way for us to remain together, no matter how misguided that reason was. I know we still have to work out that issue, and honestly, I don't have a solution for you as yet. Still, I realized that if I lost you, I didn't want to go on, even if we weren't together. You are my world, Alexander Lightwood, and I don't want to be apart from you any longer," Magnus explained to him earnestly.

At Magnus' words, Alec leaned forward and kissed him, something he never thought would ever be possible again. Magnus held Alec close as they kissed, slowly and sweetly. It was as if all of the walls and barriers had come down and now it was just the two of them once again. Alec finally broke the kiss and rested his forehead on Magnus', gently cupping Magnus' face. Alec felt lighter than he had in so long, his misery being replaced by blinding joy.

"No more apologies and no more explanations. Let's just leave all of that here behind us and start fresh. Can you do that?" Magnus asked Alec, pulling back to meet his eyes.

"I can do that and I will if that's what you want," Alec said, wishing that he could explain more. Magnus knew what Alec was thinking and found he no longer needed to hear it.

"This is what I want. I've wasted enough time on this. Let's just move forward, please?" Magnus asked Alec. Magnus leaned forward and kissed Alec again, stopping him from saying anything further. Magnus wrapped his hands around Alec, just relishing in the feeling of holding him again. They stayed in each other's embrace, just feeling each other, as it had been too long.

With a sigh, Magnus put some space between them. "I have a feeling your family will be disappointed that I've kept you out so long, seeing as how you're still recovering. Alec just rolled his eyes.

"I'm not that much of an invalid, Magnus. You did a very thorough job of healing me," Alec told him. Magnus knew his words were true, but his body was still recovering.

"True, but there is still recovery time even after the injuries are taken care of," Magnus reminded him. "Come, we should get back before they start to worry." Magnus got to his feet and helped Alec up. "There will be more time for this soon, I promise," Magnus told him.

The two made their way back to the Institute, and Magnus got Alec settled into his bed back at the Infirmary. Magnus promised to return the next day to check on him if Alec promised to rest. The two talked a bit longer and then Magnus left, wanting to start making plans.


End file.
